Came and gone.

It happened on one of the days in the week that ends on the 19th. It was about to rain; I went outside to pick up the clothes before they get wet. As I stack the clothes one by one on my left arm, I looked outside over the fence, there was a man standing. His built and blue shirt were so familiar; even his short hair seemed like the freshly cut hair I've seen many times before.

The man turned around, my instinct was right. I heard footsteps behind me as my mum came outside to help me with the clothes. I shouted;

"Mak, mak. Abah!"

At that moment I was elated, excited that my dad would come back after being gone for a while. It seemed like it was the present itself; one I'd wished so badly for.

At the same moment I realised that this is not reality and it cannot be true. But it felt so real; I wanted badly for it to be real, that my dad would come back.

"Nina, abah dah takda......" said Mak.

In that dream of mine, I woke up from my reverie of Abah's return as quickly as it began. I recited the first Quranic verse that came to my mind. It might as well be the ghost of my dad, but no ayat penghalang syaitan or ayat pelindung came to my mind, not even al-Fatihah for his soul.

"la ila ha illa anta..." I recited many times while my heart pounded fast. I didn't know why it was so fast. What was I suddenly afraid of?

It was before fajr that I woke up with my heart still reciting la ila ha illa anta. I remember being so scared to think of anything upon waking up. My consciousness rested upon my breaths and concentration to not move any muscle in my body for fear of something I did not know of.

A while after, I began to calm down. What a dream it was; so real but yet so unrealistic. I marveled at how accurate the setting, timing and feeling that made up that dream.

His 60th birthday was supposed to be the coming Sunday, 19th. Maybe I was missing him so much that the divine powers conspired to let me see Abah, even just in dream. (a scary one I must add).