Friday, November 30, 2007

Benci. Benci. Benci.

I tried to forget it, consider it as a one time funny remark /comment that will stop, considering how insignificant the matter was. But NO, you just had to remind me how tak senonoh I look.

And this is not the only time my friendster picture was mocked. Ah, friendster! I guess today it has become SO important is it?

One time, a guy friend teased me about my pictures. The one snapped after playing futsal (which I love) or other sports (which I love too). No prize for guessing how oily or sweaty I looked like (well I don’t know how else I am supposed to look after a game). He said “entah ape lah, letak gamba muka minyak-minyak”. Of course he said jokingly, but you know.

That’s just me. Sometimes I look good. Other times I sweat. Sometimes I buat muncung. Other times I just act plain crazy. My friendster pictures represent ME. What I do. (Owh did I forget to mention, I put all these pictures in my OWN profile, not others?)

I complained to Nana about this. Thanks Nana for melayan-ing me even though this is so petty. I guess she just wanted to make me feel better when she told me her boyfriend said something about her eyes being sepet in some pictures.

These guys, I’m telling you, ingat diorang kacak bergaya sangat ke hapa dalam gambar? (well of course they are, but that’s not the point). Ada tu yang suka sangat control dalam gambar, pandang kiri, pandang kanan (anywhere but the camera), but did I say anything? Did I request (berkali-kali) for a change of picture? NO… I let them (you) be.

I don’t expect myself to be so affected by these kinds of comments, but when they come from YOU, a few times, they become hurtful. I was crying when my mum got home and was looking for me. She saw my tears and I just had to tell. Everything. I even showed her the picture that caused all this drama. Owh, the reassurance that she gave me. Mak even sounded ‘risau’ when I said benci benci benci so many times.

I know it’s not an exactly a pretty picture, but the prettiness is subjective right? When you think I look tak senonoh in it, I actually think I look cute. So? It’s not like I put a naked picture or self taken picture focusing on my porcelain face, with perfect make up with a caption “mY$elF…muAxX~~~”.

((Don’t you remember the day that picture was taken? It was on our tenth month together. After having lunch at Nahar’s and on the way to Liverpool Street Station? If you could just focus on the memory instead of my tak senonohness))

You asked me, I tak malu ke when that picture appear at other people’s profile when I leave a comment? Well, if I’m gonna get embarrassed, I would not put up the picture in the first place would I? Here’s what I think. It is YOU who actually got embarrassed by my pictures. I don’t know, did I tarnish your reputation or something? If you don’t want it to appear, just delete my comment. Simple.

I’ve told you so many times, I am not the ayu-ayu type (the type I know you prefer). So now I’m asking, are you having second thoughts?

I don’t like feeling like this, at all.


Maiya Lim E.J said...

i saw your profile picture few days ago and i think it's cute.

don't care bout what people say or think. be yourself rather than a hypocrite.

i support you nina!

~cikaziezainal~ said...

~ be yourself my dear nina...

Irregularities said...

Take it easy... Sometimes guys like to tease :).

Those tears shud be priceful...

Keep it for future event :P

nina said...

Ju and Azimah: Thank you girls. I appreciate it. Sometimes being urself can be annoying to other people kan? Haih.

Irregularities: I know guys like to tease. That's just what they do kan? But sometimes the teasing is not funny anymore.
(Future event sounds scary. Takmo lah ade future event yg buat i menangis sedih, menangis terharu takpe lah jugak)

People, I know I was emotional, but that was how I feel.Nak buat macam mana. Tapi skrg dah okay. Just had to let it all out =)

Aya said...

BOYS mmg mulut tak insurans...:) takle nak tolong dah..keke...

i tutup blog kejap cos it was getting too emotional...9+ mths away from home is just too much sumtimes. the smallest things make me tick.

i pun slalu jek blog or ngadu or cry over petty2 i feel u! ehehe

oh i like this: "When you think I look tak senonoh in it, I actually think I look cute." ROCK ON! Hehhe

it comesto a point to realize that we should only live for ourselves. we CANT please other people. so why bother. somehow or rather, they're always the prettiest/handsomest/smartest..they're always right and we are always wrong...fat people calld me fat a few times...hoh? if u ask me, i'd say they'r the ones at lost kerna tiada sedar diri, and menyakitkan hati orang lain. hehe.

nah reply to ur long comment :P hehe. i lap your blog, its fabulous~~ :)

Jalilah said...

Oh, nina!!! Let it all out!!! Mesti dah lega kan??

nina said...

Sue: Wah, lebih kurang sama lah panjangnyer itu comment heehee. Rileks sue, skrg dh nak summer kan kat welly, boleh balik msia!!!


Lely: Lega tu lega lah juga after I've let it all out. But you know, this blogging thing has its consequences jugak. Adeh!